You're Nicked
From You're Nicked by R.E. Furber
A robber in Grantville, California knew it might not be his day when he realised he couldn’t see much out of his Ronald Reagan mask. In the bank he got all tangled up in his cape and dropped his gun. Outside he found his getaway car hemmed in by a delivery van. Then a dye bomb exploded in his swag bag ruining his haul of money. It must have been the perfect end to a perfect day when he got arrested. (The Week, 7 October 2006)

Who says Australian men aren’t romantic? Wayne Floyd was stopped at Sydney airport with a suspicious bulge in his trousers. He had six eggs from endangered species hidden in his underpants, to ‘surprise’ his girlfriend. He was fined AS$25,000. Flowers next time, Wayne? (Sky News, 18 July 2006)

Always best to get married in the morning, then if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day. Adrienne Samen (19) was ready to share the rest of her life with her ‘very nice’ Marine Cadet just home from Iraq. Things went fine until the bar closed, when she started yelling obscenities, chucking the wedding cake around and hurling vases across the car park. When she stalked off down the road with her wedding dress over her head, the police were called. She gave them the finger and tried to bite the officer who charged her with breach of the peace. Her bridal suite was the town jail. (Fox News, 19 August 2003)



Old is when your wife says ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love’, and you say ‘Make up your mind, love, I can’t do both’. Police in Bournemouth, Dorset were cracking down on kerb-crawlers when they found a 95 year old man getting friendly with one of the girls. Who says the police don’t have a heart? They let him off with a reprimand because of his age. (yahoo news, 20 September 2006)

Maybe God isn’t dead, He just doesn’t want to get involved. A 45 year old Ukrainian man lowered himself into the lion enclosure at Kiev’s zoo shouting, ‘God will save me, if he exists.’ A lioness wasted no time in making a meal of his carotid artery. (BBC News, 5 June 2006)

Strippers are often used at Chinese funerals to encourage attendance apparently, but this venerable Chinese practice is under threat. Five people were arrested during a lively striptease for 200 in Beijing. It’s what they would have wanted. (Reuters, 24 August 2006)

War can be like German opera, too long and too loud, but not where the Swiss are concerned. The Swiss ‘invaded’ Lichtenstein by mistake one night when a company of 170 infantry soldiers wandered about a mile across an unmarked border, realised their mistake and went home again. Nobody in Lichtenstein seems to have noticed. (Blick, 2 March 2007)

Customs officers at Coventry airport found £30,000 worth of cocaine hidden inside more than 140 prunes. The smugglers are on the run. (yahoo news, 6 February 2007)